There's a vicious creature that stalks the night, feared by both adults and children alike. Horrible things, rumors, are whispered about what goes on, what this man has done.
And he may be related to a 16th century killer called the Werewolf of Bedburg. That's right. A doctor quoted that in The Sun, so you know, take that with a huge grain of, you know, possible bullshit. It says that Donald Trump may be related to one Peter Strumpp.
A 16th century serial killer who confessed to murdering 14 women, and two pregnant women, over the course of 25 years, claimed that it allowed him to turn into a wolf, which was taken as literal in the 16th century, but was much more likely metaphorical. Peter Strumpp, or course, had a cousin, and because this was the 16th century, a lover, by the name of Katharina Trump.
Now, you say, "Boy, that name sounds familiar." I know one Dr. Pittle also thought that sounded a little familiar, but then again, keep in mind, he's from the Biola University, in Southern California, so, again, this is a news story from The Sun. Big, big, big, possibility. Take this with a lot of possible bullshit.
But, anyway. There's records that show the murdering, cannibalistic, serial killer, Peter Strumpp, and Katharina Trump, lived in the Kallstadt area at the time of the Werewolf murders and Trump's family heritage can be traced to 1559 also in the Kallstadt area, by Hans Trump.
Now, coincidentally, they theorize that Hans was actually the son of the Werewolf, and you know, his lover. Now, there's no legal records. There's no family records. And, again, it's from the fucking Sun, who is one of the most sleazy newspapers in the world.
Even though there's a chance it's not true, you know what? At this point, Trump, through his actions, has probably killed more than his possible relative, and more children, most likely. So, even if it's not true, let's just say that the dangerous, sociopathic, serial killer, Peter Strumpp, the Devil worshiping Werewolf, would have been really proud of Donald Trump's actions.