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Okay Melissa You're Doing Fine : Chapter Two - Positive Thinking

Should I become an art thief? It seems I have a skill for it. I mean I did steal that ax, and I was not arrested, even though I was carrying it around town for a while. Yeah, totally should become an art thief. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll return this to prove that I can return it, and then off to thievery for me. Art thievery, to be specifically correct. The classy one. The one that if you're good enough, they eventually will want to hire you as an actor. Because you have a classy air of dangerous mystery to you, and also because you're clearly an excellent actor. The skills are one and the same. I heard Orson Wells would often rob museums. That's true; I had a dream about it. So it's probably not true, but it feels like it should be true.

Okay. So here's what we're gonna do. You're going to put on this dynamo mask, that you don't know how you got, but you must... but for some reason you have several dozen of them. Also many wigs. You'll just walk in cool and cal, and place this ancient international treasure back where you found it, with a note that you will write right now saying "Returned because I could. Signed The Melissa." Nope, nope, nope, 'cause they'll figure out that you're Melissa and you don't want them to do that for at least 15 years. You need a better name. How 'bout Melissa. Nope, what are you, an idiot? How about The Cat. If you wanna be cliché we're going with Melissa. Okay I tire of this gag, this routine.

We will be The Jaguar; yes, that's what we'll be. I love it. Great. So, approaching the museum; doing great; nobody suspects who you are. Nobody is even looking at you. Oh no, another security guard. Hey! Weren't you the person who stole that in the first place? Oh no. I'm a terrible art thief. Gotta go, gotta go, run, run, drop it and leave.

How did you even get this back from the acting place? Oh right, you took it because everybody was scared of you. That is an advantage and also a terrifying indictment. Everybody is afraid of you if you're carrying a weapon. Some would say it creates an atmosphere of fear and anger and very little else.

Okay that's not to worry about. You're moving, you're moving, you're moving, you got out of it, you did great. Boy you're achieving a lot today Melissa. It'll probably be the most exciting thing you do this entire day, 'cause certainly nothing else would happen.

Yeah, this was most likely the high point of your life. Oh no, don't say it like that. Now I'm sad. Oh God. Is this the high point of my life? Is this all I'll ever do? Oh the crushing existential despair that I'm feeling right now. I must dramatically kneel on this sidewalk to think of it.

Thinking of it; processing it. Do I even exist? What's the point of life, do I even exist? I think...the only thing I know is that I think, therefore I am, but I could be just be a hyper-advanced computer in a simulation. What if we're all... I mean... I mean... If you think about it logically... I mean right now... right now a computer... It's so weird that computer technology is advancing all the time.

We're most likely gonna advance to a place where we can perfectly re-create human life in digital form. So wouldn't that most likely prove that we are just digital creations? Oh gosh. No, wait, find something to care for.

Oh it's so... hey, is that Mike?


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