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My son has a tragic misunderstanding of the nature of Batman.

My son has a tragic misunderstanding of the nature of Batman.

My little boy, Jeffery, I love him to death. He's a great son; he'll most likely continue to be a great son, but I have some tragic, awful news for him you see, about the true nature of Batman. You see, it was late at night and I heard weird sounds coming from my son's room. My son of course is, you know, 14. My son is at that age and I really should have known better than to barge into his room without giving a good knock. You know, it's only fair, but I did it anyways and boy, him licking bats obsessively was not the thing I had expected to see.

I was relived of course when he told me it was nothing sexual, which was good to know. Then, tragically, I made the mistake of asking him why he was licking bats. And my son, my beautiful baby boy said to me, he said it was because of his desire to become Batman. I asked him why would this make you Batman? And he said obviously Batman simply licked enough bats until he had a sort of bat-like structure chained to his DNA.

I had to explain to my beautiful baby boy Jeffrey that Batman in fact was trained heavily in the martial arts and forensic pathology fields. He was not a man who licked bats obsessively.

My son of course was angry and he said, "All these years of wasted time. Think of it, I could've been doing martial arts instead of licking bats." And I guess in spite of this I was relieved, exceptionally so, that he was not going to lick bats anymore.

As I was leaving the room, thinking how my beautiful baby boy Jeffrey was probably going to do okay, he started to take out a half-eaten spider. I was going to ask Jeffrey about it and then I thought better not to myself and just left the room. Clearly, my child at the age of 16 seems to have not understood any of the multiple Batman things he has read or watched or written extensive fan fictions about. Clearly.

Not sure where he got this impression, but glad I corrected it. But of course he's free to do anything he wishes to do. I'll let him pursue his dreams, even if he wants to become a superhero. 

Bruce Timm can unhinge his jaw like a snake and Five other things you don't know about Batman: The Animated Series.

Hi America. How's it going?

Hi America. How's it going?

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