It's weird no one brought up the Owl-men at NBA press conference, right?
Me and Cricket were quiet for a little while on the escalator until I said, “It's weird no one brought up the owl-men, right?”
“Yeah, it's real weird. I thought somebody would mention it. I didn't know LeBron James would just go over and mention the fact that there is an owl-man sitting there, but nobody ever brought it up and never spoke or nothing. He was just there being an owl-man,” said Cricket.
“I totally don't get it. I don't know. Is it just like saying 'Have you seen an owl-man ever before?' ” I said.
“No, I've never seen an owl-man. I didn't even know there were owl-men, but everybody else in the room was treating it super normally. There's LeBron James; there's presumably another person who plays in the same team as LeBron James; and then next to him in a business suit is a half-man, half-owl. Nobody is talking about it, ever. I'm like, this is weird. We should bring up the fact. But then, am I ignorant? Am I just being ignorant, I've never heard of an owl-man?” said Cricket.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I was on. Maybe there was some news 20 years ago; there was an owl-man thing? Do you think you would have heard about owl-men? It's so normal that he seems like an executive at this point. He's not a cop executive so he doesn't talk in press conferences, but he gets to sit down in the press conferences. He's a big deal. I mean, good for him, but I feel people would bring this up more. You'd think they'd talk in the news: this happened ... and this and... LeBron doing this and the Jazz... also, the NBA knows him for he's an owl-man. Unless as you're indicating, as I'm thinking, maybe the reason nobody's brought this up is because owl-men are just so normal that it's just not news,” I said.
“Yeah, good for the owl-men or owl-people. Should we call them owl-people? Probably, whatever the term they prefer is the one we should call them," said Cricket.
“Are you looking it up right now on your phone? " I said.
“Yeah, I'm looking it up on my phone. I've typed in Google: is owl-people a thing? No results. None whatsoever,” said Cricket.
“Really, no results? Nobody's talked about this at all? So it was really weird that an owl- person was at that meeting and nobody brought it up,” I said.
“I'm gonna check ... what's the other one? It's not Google, it's a different one? You know the word I'm trying to think of it. No, no, there, I can ..." said Cricket.
“Bing," I said.
“Yeah, Bing. Let me check Bing. First, I'm gonna type it in. B-I-N-G. How do you say it?” said Cricket.
“Checking Bing. No results for owl-people. I mean, there are results,” said Cricket.
“Really, there are?" I said.
“Yeah, but it's pornography,” said Cricket.
“Okay. Drawn pornography?" I said.
‘Yeah, drawn pornography,” said Cricket.
“Maybe it's like a costume,” I said.
“No, because why was he flying around for a good portion of the conference?” said Cricket.
“Yeah, that is a point. Elaborate owl costumes, despite how elaborate they are, can't fly. If they could fly, whoever that costumer would be worth millions of dollars because he mastered personal flight which has been a huge thing that people have been working on for 30, 40 years pretty much average since airplanes were invented. Listen, you don't have to tell me that one of the holy grails of the transportation developed is somehow for getting how to get personalized flying vehicles to people." I said.
“Okay, we're agreed. It can't be a costume; otherwise the costumer would be a billionaire. At least the costumer is a pure artiste sort of person and does not care for money but only cares for making elaborate functioning owl-person costumes," Cricket said.
It was then that the elevator doors opened and another owl-person walked in. I looked pensively at Cricket. It wasn't the same owl-person that we saw in the meeting because this owl-person had a skirt on. The door opened, and it was a whole floor of owl-people. The owl-person who was riding with us walked off onto the floor and the elevator door closed.
“Oh my God! The NBA has a whole floor dedicated to owl-people working there! What do you think? Do you think it's another business that rents in the same building as the NBA? Don't you think the NBA would be able to afford its own office space? The NBA totally should be able to afford its own office space. So are they segregating the owl- people?“ Cricket said
“Trump's America, right?" I said.
“Who?” said Cricket.
“Um…maybe the owl-people are playing a different flying version of basketball. Owl- basketball that only owl-people can play because they have the ability to fly," I said.
“A lot like that game from Harry Potter, you would think?" said Cricket.
“Yeah, the Quidditch thing. You know when I was working for ESPN, they made us cover one of those Muggle Quidditch games? I gotta tell you, that might be one of the saddest things I've seen.”
“What? You didn't cheer for the Austin outlaws?" said Cricket.
“Oh you like that?” I said.
“I think it's cool,” said Cricket.
“I do wonder, why don't you just not do it without the broom. The broom seems to add nothing to game play," I said.
“But the broom is whatever holds the whole thing together. If they play without the broom then it would just be a handball and nobody wants to watch people play handball," said Cricket.
“I guess that's what I'm saying," said Cricket.
It was then that the elevator finally arrived at the ground floor. Little known fact about the NBA headquarters, it has over 200 floors, and we walked out leaving the mystery of the owl-men forever in the winds.