Hello Christians of America. You're doing good.
You're doing better than good. You're doing great and you're so gonna get into Heaven. I don't even know why you clicked on this. You don't need it. You're doing so fine, it's ridiculous how fine you're doing. I mean, think about it, you're Christian and other people aren't Christian. That's crazy, right? That's crazy, right? And there's no more work in Christianity besides declaring yourself Christian. After you say that, oh boy, it's smooth sailing. It's smooth sailing. That's the only thing you've got to worry about. The second you say you're Christian, boy, you're a good person and you only do good things. It's impossible to not be that. As long as you do everything that you were doing naturally, you're a good person.
Morality and you know, inherent goodness and attempting to make the world a better place are easy. They're simple things to do. Simple things to do. Mainly all you have to do is just kind of keep doing what you already have been doing. You can trust me. I'm an ordained reverend. And I know what I'm talking about. Now, I know what you're thinking, but I know what you're thinking, Rev, that's all well and good but what about this deep, gaping, gnawing feeling in my ... you know, in the pit of my stomach where I just kind of go through my entire life empty. Let me tell you something buddy, that's just being hungry. So why don't you go to a big ... why don't you go to a fancy steak restaurant, eat two, three, four, five steaks and just sit back and relax.
I mean, it'd be a sin not to. It's also a sin if the waiter spends too long of a time at another table and doesn't come to yours quick enough when you want another light beer. You know, the one where the mountains change. You want to see those frickin awesome mountains change and God wants you to see that. God is demanding that you see those mountains change and who does this guy think he is? Getting orders from another table? Well, you're just not gonna tip him very well or you're gonna tip him like a dollar or 30 cents and that's gonna be, you know, just good.
So, why don't you run along now, Christian, and know that you don't actually have to work at anything. Working and agonizing and stressing about following the tenants of a religion and being a good person aren't a thing and if people say that, well they're just wrong and they want to hurt your feelings. Hurt your feelings - it doesn't and they don't really love you and they don't respect your intelligence and they're probably not even from America, so just keep going on all you want. You're important and God loves you.