Why does God hate me - the five reasons why
One: Maybe My Job
I liked my job; it was a fun place. We had this one joke: What Does an Accountant Use For Birth Control? And everyone at the IRS would just laugh. I mean that joke never was not funny. I mean we used to say it over and over again, but does this mean we tried to go against the world by telling the most hilarious joke over and over again? Maybe that's why after I told that joke my office mate Jeff shot himself.
Two: Maybe My Love of Miniatures
I love miniatures; it's always been a passion of mine. The beauty of, say, having an orc, but instead of the traditional size it would be very small. It feels good to have, say, a whole army fighting in small fake, and not dangerous and not any real way war, thus not leaving a young orc boy without a father. But when I entered my favorite miniature shop for some reason they would not sell anything to me.
Three: The Time I Took a Long shower
After I got kicked out of the miniature shop I went home to clean out blood and brain from Jim. I just stayed in that shower all day and maybe that's why I guess God might hate me, because I wasted the water like, which is bad.
Four: That time I stole
God does not like when you steal, but we all do little things like take grapes from the grocery store or the gun that Jim used. I don't know. I mean is it so bad to take some grapes or hold Jim's gun against the dark of my TV.
Five: I Did not go to work for a Week
It was not vacation. No, I called no one. I just stayed on my couch all week watching TV and holding the gun, but they still paid me. And that feels like it was just as bad as stealing something because I still got money to have fun.