I would just like to commend HBO, the greatest television channel that ever existed, the one that truly innovated American television and elevated it not to simply mere entertainment, but an art form unparalleled through its brilliant programming. I'd like to thank it for letting me see the new comedy from Bill Hader early. As a Bill Hader super fan, I was so excited when HBO let me do this. I know what you're thinking, current president of HBO, Michael Lombardo, and/or the man who's about to succeed him, Casey Bloys, "Who are you? In no way did we agree to that. You don't get to see it early."
But don't you remember? You were driving one day and I was behind you because I had been following you for several days, and I said, "Hey, can I see Barry early?" You clearly didn't hear me, so I drove up even closer to you and I said, "You're being so brave." Both of you, you were in the same car at the time talking, just seemed to go off in a daze when I said how brave you're being, and then I said, "to let me see Barry early." They were not really focusing at that point, seemingly. But as HBO programming has taught us, the quiet, contemplative moments where characters are just sitting around can often be the most compelling and fascinating parts, because it's not truly how we live, and to see a character not just merely exist but live and be fascinating in that way, that is what true filmmaking is about.
I assumed you were doing that, and then you said, "Sure, okay," and that's how you 100% agreed to let me see it early. I'm eagerly awaiting it, to get to do it. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the link to the secret critic thing that I assume most critics get that lets them see all the cool, fun TV shows early, and I'll be very, very, very appreciative of it. Anyways, contact you later, my best friends in the world. You're being very brave. Brave, brave, brave, brave, brave, brave. Hope to see you again. Okay, and I'm really excited to see Barry.