It's that fun time again in corporate America, Bring Your Pez Dispenser to Work Day. You can feel the air change. There was a distinct lightness, a bounciness in everyone's movements. I think it's just the greatest thing ever. I can see everybody smiling, smiling really happy, looking at their fun little Pez dispenser things.
You wouldn't think that a day like today would have horrific implications. Bring Your Pez Dispenser to Work Day. Surely nothing bad could be based on that. Well, kind of.
There's rumors they were secretly started as, not as a fun Bring Your Pez Dispenser Thing to Work Day to show everybody, but more of a ritual that if a demon didn't see you work at your Pez dispensary, that they would do something terrible, but scientifically, all that stuff is muddled scientifically. It could not even be a demon. It could be like an ancient space god or, that really enjoys the fun treat of Pez. Or, maybe it's not even an ancient space god. Maybe it's just a regular ancient space demigod, but whatever it is that is watching us constantly and on this day, this special, special day, demands that in our labors that we must bring a Pez dispenser, it's not a friend of ours, I can assure you.
Now, some of you may be saying, "Well, why don't I just not do it? Blast those evil gods that want to destroy me." I'm like,
"Okay", but I try and explain to them the importance of it, but then they go to me like,
"Cricket, I don't think that's a thing."
"Crazy. Of course that's a thing." My grandfather said it was a thing a bunch of times. Then, they usually ask me, "Cricket, is this the grandfather you bring up every once in a while?"
"Yeah, I only had one."
Then, they mention to me that
"No", that, "In fact, most people have two grandfathers."
Then I go like, "I know that." I didn't know that. I just assumed my upbringing was normal. My two grandfathers, the day of my parent's weddings, fought each other and one killed each other for dominance. I am now under the impression that that's not normal and that it's a little bit off, which is strange.
I'm trying to think of why he did it. My grandfather never mentioned to me the reason. The closest I ever got was he said it was just a thing. What's the saying supposed to mean? Anything is a thing. The days are long and the nights are longer.
I think my neighbor owns a wolf. I can hear her howl sometimes if I put my ear up close to the wall. Anyways, happy Bring Your Pez Dispenser to Work Day.