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The Reason Goths, are called Man-Penguins.

The Reason Goths, are called Man-Penguins.

 Yes, the relationship between the Gothic subculture, and the brave and noble, and mighty penguin, is a very undocumented one, but one that has a very long and interesting history. It was vaguely hinted at by several Goth bands, including The Cure, in the hit song, Friday I'm In Love, which contained in the famous lyrics, "Yeah, yeah, I like penguins." I think we should all be penguins. That's a thing we should all be doing. We should work very hard on emulating the penguin. It was of course, not well heard.

But where did this infatuation with the penguins start by the Gothic people? Well, it can be said, to Joy Division, another proto-Goth band. It was when Shaun Ryder first observed a penguin. Now being a young brooding British boy, he had never even seen a penguin before. The BBC at the time considered the penguins to be obscene, for their unseemly beaks, and the fact that they appeared to be dressed in tuxedos, yet were just standing out there in the middle of very cold nature, ruining their tuxedos. So the BBC had banned penguins from appearing on any of their television shows, for fear that the rich gentry, mistaking penguins for other rich gentry, would go out in their tuxedos and freeze to death.

Now you may say that is a silly fear, if it were not for the infamous deaths of the Cornenhall family in 1907, when they went to an English aquarium and saw penguins. Believing that they were high-class, they simply crawled into the aquarium tank, and all drowned. After that incident, penguins, of course, were never allowed on the BBC, for fear.  It was during Ian Curtis' college career that as young men were to do, they had smuggled in from the much looser France, what was called then, a video nasty, which had gratuitous penguin action. Gratuitous in the sense that it showed penguins being penguins.

This of course, led to the revelation that, "Boy, that's how people should probably be." So he wrote his first song, that was of course, never published called, Oh Baby Penguins Oh Yeah Look How Cool They Are. Of course, he later reformed this. After numerous rewrites, it turned into the hit song, Love Will Tear Us Apart, which did not have many references to penguins, as many thought. Of course, when the bootleg recordings first came about, it was a massive revelation. Young men and women from all around England began dressing as penguins.

It was a national concern. In 1982 Margaret Thatcher gave her famous speech in the halls of the parliament called, Penguins and The Deranged Cult That Follows Them. Margaret, of course, using all her bluster, assumed that a nice speech would probably fix the problem. It was then that the penguin craze really took off. Soon there were even tours to Antarctica being offered. Well, they were told it was Antarctica. In reality, it was a small island off of Wales, that they just painted white, and had numerous people dressed as penguins. But of course, the English Goths took it up with great force in vigor.

It wasn't until 15 years later that the revelation that in fact it was not Antarctica, but a small island off the coast of Wales, as was chronicled in the Goth album, What? That Wasn't Antarctica, But Wales? It was of course, a tragedy then. The Goths were traumatized, and so they put away their penguin inspired things, and just became normal people of society. So the Goth movement fell into disarray, until a little band called Trent Reznor appeared on the scene, with its brash American, who was also heartbroken that Antarctica turned out to be an island off the coast of Wales, decided that maybe Antarctica was real.

Of course, the people at the Gothic Institute of Science didn't believe him. Who was he to say that Antarctica was real? Many hands had discussed it thoroughly in their albums, but he dismayed these notions, and sailing a ship to the far corners of the earth, he was determined to find it. Now Trent Reznor's journey to find the mythical continent of Antarctica is legendary. Of course, where the name Nine Inch Nails came from, as everyone knows, may be atypical, and might be just part of his normal, blustering speech.

But it had been the 80th day, lost, without food. Trent Reznor was certain he'd die. It was then that his ship came apart. The nails, you see, that's what, the nails started to come off. As he touched them, noting quite sincerely, that they must be somewhat shorter than 10 inches, he noticed that they were cold, almost frozen. As he had been clutched over into a hunger, he hadn't even bothered to look up. When he did, he saw it. Antarctica. He had landed right in Antarctica right in front of the Asuka Station, holding a nail that seemed to be slightly shorter than 10 inches. He would have to find out how long it was later on. He was hailed as a hero. Thus, the penguin inspired Goth movement continued on, to this day. Truly, an inspiring story.

The Death of the Shoehorn in Mexico with a cat

The Death of the Shoehorn in Mexico with a cat

Here’s how they made the roars in Lion King - they just had Frank Welker roar in a bucket.

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