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That's great, President Trump. I must ask you why your calls have gotten so distant and confusing?

That's great, President Trump. I must ask you why your calls have gotten so distant and confusing?

That's great, President Trump. I must ask you why your calls have gotten so distant and confusing? I am a loyal soldier, Trump. I was there from the beginning. I saw you be birthed by Mary. I was just a simple janitor then. But when I saw your eyes, I could see a leader. One full of fire and death, and I have served you loyally since then. And your dream of the dome, which each days and years, it's nears the time when it will be opened for the public to see. We are so close to getting ready. Mr. President, so close.

But in our time of victory, I find your calls and our conversations to become mysterious and unknowable. The call we had a couple of days ago where you yelled at me that you believe you see your father haunting you each and every day. Your direct quote was, "I see him. I see my father. He exists outside the peripheral. I see him most when I enter the bathroom. I can hear him silently judging me. His ghost, hateful and mean of me. I believe if I could eat him, I could stop it." Your father's ghost should not be eaten, Mr. President. It pains me to disagree with you because you've been right about everything before, but I fear that this is a trick by the Liberals, who are sending through their mysterious powers an Onibaba to impersonate your father. Do not listen to them.

The text I received from you just last night where you said you could hear your reflection in a knife talk back to you. Again, this is a trick by the liberals. They have many wizards and demons working for them. Do not trust them. Remember that the dome that we built will be open so soon. All of our plans will come to fruition. The dome even has beautiful golden toilets like I know you love. Stay steadfast, Mr. President, and all shall be accomplished, my lord.

A MIDI file of Linkin Park's song Crawling, played entirely with Seinfeld slap bass sounds

Do Chairs Feel Pain?

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