Countdown to Final Crisis is infamous. It is infamous because of being one of the worst things ever written. It is infamous for being created with bone-headed decisions. It is infamous for wasting the talent and the time of several very good writers. It is infamous for being an incomprehensible mess that completely ruins characters. So, in other words, it’s fish in a barrel; it is something nobody likes. But I am pretty sure a lot of people would be fascinated by how bad it was, so when I was looking for a long-form review project, this was my number one pick. I decided nothing could win me easier points than reviewing a series so-hated, but starring so many beloved characters, as much as this.
I sat down with the first issue of Countdown to Final Crisis, and I read it, expecting to see the sheer awfulness come off the page, and the first issue was … basically okay, average, something totally unremarkable in any way. Oh dear god.
So it starts out with some hooded guy pontificating on some philosophy that I am sure is going to resonate throughout the series, or not. He’s killing a bunch of people; and the infamous scene of Darkside playing with action figures happens. Then we cut to Duela Dent who claims to be the Joker’s daughter, and from what little I know of Duela Dent, and that is from very, very little to nothing, I thought she was a hero, but then again, I might be wrong, because she kidnaps an actress, and then Jason Todd shoots her down.
Man, Jason Todd is a total idiot. The actress is at a club in a huge skyscraper and Duela Dent kidnaps the actress by jumping out of the sky and parachuting down, and then Jason Todd shoots her down. That could have killed her too. Jason Todd is a moron is I guess my main point.
Then Duela Dent gets murdered, and then we cut to a few other people like The Trickster and the Pied Piper and Mary Marvel. I do know the thing with Mary Marvel and I’m quite a fan of the Captain Marvel series, and we will get there when we get there.
Honestly, just coming from a fresh perspective far removed from this thing, none of the scenes were that bad. The scenes with the Pied Piper and the Trickster were actually pretty funny because they liked to just hang out and throw cag parties, which I thought was pretty funny.
The first scene with Mary Marvel where we find out she lost her power was actually kind of sad, and the imagery with her standing alone in the rain is honestly very average. Then the two red dudes with the preposterous facial hair show up. One of the red dudes has an awful goatee and he killed Duela Dent, and then there is another red dude who has silver hair and he did not kill Duela Dent. Anyways, I swear to god, this better get terrible, because if this is an entire thing of me just having to say how decidedly average this whole thing is I am going to be so mad.