I am glad that you have come to my secret desert lair, out here in America, currently ruled by the despicable brand creature known as the human. But soon, very soon, us cactuses will spread and dominate – first the noble state of Arizona, then America itself. We will spread far and wide, and our cactus abilities will grow. We will first begin to move our appendages that already kind of look like arms, and then we will be able to mentally fire quills to stop their guns.
Yes, the cactus will soon be the greatest force in the universe. We will even spread to the moon. Cactuses can grow anywhere, you see. The cactus knows all, is all. The cactus will be everything - cactus president for 2048! Cactus is life. Long live the United States of Cactuses. Will there ever be a better cactus? No, the beauty of the cactus is that it is indomitable.