Looking Back at 1975: "I Don't Care Who's President"

And now Camelot is proud to reprint an article from a 1973 issue with Pulitzer Prize owning reporter Jonathan Needlemeyer.

Why, hello there. This is Jonathan Needlemeyer, reporting on a situation. I don’t care who’s president. Oh, there’s one of these every four years; my head is just killing me. I tell you I was on this plane, and I punched that damn uppity pilot straight in the jaw. Telling me I can’t fly a plane. I can fly a plane; I can fly a plane better than anybody else can. Oh my head, my head. Sometimes I dream I was a penguin in a past life. Those were the good times. All I had to worry about was getting from point A to point B with an egg between my legs, and nobody would judge me as an irresponsible violent person.

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Today, augh, I just got arrested. They said it’s illegal to transport massive amounts of drugs. I don’t know what they’re talking about. They should be asking me why do I have authentic whale ambergris in my bag, and I’ll tell you why, Illuminati! because I’ve been hunting and killing whales with my bare machine-gun-clenched hands. They don’t wanna die. They might be as intelligent as toddlers, but I look into their faces and I know, I know, that my wife respects me. I’ll punch somebody or something if I hear anybody say to me it’s the presidential election. Augh. Reporting in from somewhere or someplace.

 Somewhere here we think

Somewhere here we think

Of course, being as it was 1975 the presidential election had been over for a year. Needlemeyer was not aware of this as he had been in a drug induced stupor for over a year. This has been a classic look back at Camelot Magazine.

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