Number 5: Cookie Puss for Dwight Eisenhower
The reason Eisenhower was given this nickname was because one of his first military activities was defeating the dread monster Cookie Puss that terrorized the town of Biscoyne-Robins. He eventually captured it in cake form, and as long as Cookie Puss cakes are sold, it will never reign free. So that is how President Eisenhower got his nickname.
Number 4: Old Slip ‘N Shoes for Richard Nixon
Now, what is Richard Nixon most famous for? That’s right – his love of bowling. As a president he even installed his own bowling alley in the White House, and he was known for eccentrically walking around the White House in his old bowling shoes. In fact, how he raised money to go to law school was by hustling people at the bowling alley. Oh, it’s a standard story. They would come up and they would see Old Slip ‘N Shoes at the alley hitting gutter ball after gutter ball, and he would go up to them and say, “Hey buds, do you wanna take a bet?”
And they would say, ‘Oh yes, we would.”
And Old Slip ‘n Shoes would of course always throw the first few games, but he would always demand double the betting, and then finally he would say, “Well gentlemen, do you want to take another bet?”
And in their arrogance they would say, “Yes, of course.”
And that’s when Richard Nixon would switch over to his right hand, and turn into the reincarnation of Earl Anthony, “the greatest speed-control bowler ever.”
Number 3: John Quincy Adams: they called him California Pizza Kitchen.
This odd nickname comes from the fact that before California was a member of the Union, John Quincy Adams would often discuss it, mostly when skinny dipping. He would say, “You know what there should be? There should be a pizzeria,” and then he would have to explain what pizza was, “and it should have all the taste of California.” His secret service agents would gather round, and again he would be totally nude while talking about this. The secret servant agents just started calling him ‘Old California Pizza Kitchen’.
Number 2: They called George H. W. Bush ‘Chantilly Lace’.
Now you would think that he would have got this nickname from being a huge fan of the Big Bopper’s ‘Chantilly Lace’, which he was, but that is not how he got the name. The origin of the secret service nickname for George H. W. Bush was based on the weird coincidence that his grandmother was actually the inspiration for the song. She would often call up the Big Bopper in the middle of the night. Of course the Big Bopper lived in Atlanta, and she at the time was in China, and she would call him up and sing, “Hey baby.” It was exceptionally frightening for the Big Bopper and he had many a nightmare about it. Eventually in a fugue state after not being able to sleep for seven days, he awoke with the lyrics to Chantilly Lace written on his pillow.
Number 1: Gerald Ford they of course called Panama.
This naturally comes from Gerald Ford’s famous Panamanian lifestyle. He would often come to the Oval Office in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and sandals, a hollowed-out coconut with rum and an umbrella, and would play the sweet tunes of Jimmy Buffet all day long. It is the origin of his famous catch-phrase. In fact, he was the first President to say ‘gnarly’ in an opening address.