Why am me, Bigfoot, running for Representative of Alabama? Me Bigfoot feel that I can bring real outsider to politics as I Bigfoot have never held political office or lived in human society. Me have served in public sphere for many, many long times. From? famous blurry pictures of rocks me have long thought that me Bigfoot would make good congressman, because Bigfootbig and mighty and can lift whole pine tree in palm of one hand. Can other congressmen declare that? No, they can’t, because Bigfoot is strong; Bigfoot is powerful; Bigfoot have much experience. Me lead tribe of Sasquatch for long time. Sasquatch lead many long life.
Bigfoot’s wife, Bigfoota, was noble and brave. She died defending the tribe. Me Bigfoot have long since been sad and roaming in Americas, just outside of camera view. Now Bigfoot here, ready to lead people of Alabama. Why Bigfoot run in Alabama when Bigfoot for long time Oregon resident? Because Bigfoot feel that Oregon system corrupt and Bigfoot will help people. You have thing that need to be crushed? Bigfoot crush. You have problems with raccoons? Bigfoot will negotiate with raccoons. You need somebody with long term goals for the State of Alabama? Bigfoot has that. Bigfoot wants to institute measures to make cameras blurrier, and to make sky demon stop harassing Bigfoot, and institute national policy of just leaving Bigfoot alone. And get raccoons legal right to vote. Bigfoot great. Bigfoot congressman soon. Bigfoot have bigger muscles than any other candidate.